Life Events

Everybody has a right to end an unsatisfactory relationship. And to be safe in doing so.

Separation is often the most dangerous time for those who have been victims of violence, and for their children. Violence often escalates as the perpetrator tries to maintain control over their victim. If you need assistance do not hesitate to call the police. If you need a refuge or crisis accommodation check out our moving house page. Ask Centrelink, the Child Support Agency and other government agencies to make sure your personal details are kept private. Where violence is an issue you can gain an exemption from the need to collect child support and from any workforce obligations.

Where violence or harrassment isn't an issue, remember - your actions affect those around you. Whether you make the decision to end the relationship or whether it is done against your will, you have a responsibility to the other people involved - your partner and, importantly, your children. Treat them with dignity and respect.

A good divorce is better than a bad marriage!

 Children in Changing Families: Life after Parental Separation by Bryan Rodgers and Jan Pryor talks about separation as part of a process, not an incident isolated from everything else. That is, separations don't just happen by themselves. They generally come after a long period of being unhappy and in conflict, and it is the whole process, not just the one incident, that can be difficult.

If you are thinking of separating you will need to consider and make plans what's going to happen in the future. This means concentrating on practical things such as where you're going to live, how you're going to pay the bills and what's going to happen to the children. These are probably things you have been mulling over for a long time, but now you need to make decisions.

David Koch wrote an excellent blog on preparing your finances for separation and divorce, emphasising the need to be prepared - and be fair!

Whether you are in paid work or not contacting Centrelink is a good idea. Family Tax Benefit is paid at a different rate for single income families (including single parents), and you might be eligible for other assistance while you settle into your new life.

Parenting

How will you parent across two different households ? This isn't as smple as deciding where the children will live, although that is a major consideration. You also need to think about how major decisions will be made, whether you are going to co-parent or parent in parallel, how children can stay in touch with the both parents regardless of which house they are in, and how they can  maintain their own social networks wherever they are.

Where will you live?

If you are like most families one or the other of you will need to find somewhere else to live, and find new furniture and household items to stock it with. If you take on additional work to cover these costs you may be able to have that income excluded from your child support assessment. The new formula recognises that this can be an issue for some parents and allows up to three years in which income from a second job can be quarantined.

Trying to stay within a reasonable distance of each other makes it easier for children to move between households and maintain their social networks and schooling. This is particularly important if you are planning on sharing care, 

While you might want to give you children everything, the reality is that most people cannot afford to set up two complete households with bedrooms, furniture and clothing for their children at each house.Do try to get something where the kids can have their own space, even if it's just a cupboard where they can store their things while they're not there and know they are safe.

If you need crisis accommodation the 

Dividing property