Blog

Sam de Brito, Sydney Morning Herald, 29 April 2012

YOU have to wonder if the ”bloody kids” have replaced ”the missus” as the perceived ball and chain around the modern man’s neck.

Both are topics of conversation I find older guys will use to establish a rapport with a stranger – particularly in client meetings, at conferences and work functions.

Sport might also get a mention and, perhaps, commentary on the attractiveness of whatever woman is nearby but once these subjects are exhausted it’s fascinating how often men will riff on the onerous nature of parenthood, and ”how you’ve lost the next 20 years of your life”.

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Lisa Arends, Huffington Post 28 April 2012

My divorce certainly did not present itself as a gift, trussed up with a big red bow like a Lexus in a Christmas commercial. Instead, it was a big ugly box, filled to the brim with explosives. It was a present I never anticipated and one I never desired. But, as it came with a “no return” policy, I was determined to make the best of it.

I was with my husband for 16 years. Sixteen good years. Little did I know a tsunami was forming beneath the placid surface of our marriage. A tsunami that reached land one afternoon when I received the following text message:

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Huffington Post

As a matrimonial attorney, the very first thing I say to every new client is, “Shut down your Facebook account and stop texting immediately.” While not everyone necessarily follows this advice, the ones that do are in much better shape if the case goes into a courtroom.

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Christmas can be a difficult time for single parent and blended families. Trying to come to an agreement on where children will be and when, let alone where Santa will deliver presents, can cause otherwise amicable arrangements to fall apart.

Divorce lawyers, Centrelink/Child Support Agency, counselling services and helplines all report a flurry of activity at Christmas – most of it distressing for all parties. It’s also a time when domestic violence increases along with all other stresses.

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Marriage has been in the news a lot lately, with a release of a report into the benefits of marriage by the Australian Christian Lobby. This report, written by Professor Patrick Parkinson, found that parental marriage acts as a protective factor for children, improving their life outcomes.

Sole Parents’ Union has a number of concerns about the report. On reading the report in the Sydney Morning Herald we wrote a response which you can read in full in our news section.

Apart from the misrepresentation of previous research, Sole Parents’ Union would point out that marriages which don’t end in divorce would be expected to be better for children than those that do, after all people would usually stay together for a reason – they get along well so they have low levels conflict and therefore less reason to separate. As we pointed out in our letter, it is conflict rather than divorce per se that is the problem.

But where divorce leads to an end in the conflict then outcomes for children also improve. A good divorce really is better than a bad marriage.

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Getting out of the city and listening to stories from other areas is always an interesting experience. It’s been a long drive from Sydney to Cairns, but well worth it. I’ve met some great people and seen some fabulous, innovative programs.

We’ll be able to take these stories (anonymously of course) straight to the politicians and bureaucrats to work on better policies and services for all sole parents.

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The lament you often hear from non-residential parents is that they want to see their children more, while residential parents often say they want the other parent to see their children more.

If this is the case, you have to wonder why it doesn’t happen.

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Is there really such a thing as a good divorce?

Divorce isn’t something that people do lightly. You don’t just wake up one morning and say to yourself “What will I do today? I know, I think I’ll get divorced.” Most people go through a long and agonising process of trying to make their relationship work before deciding that it’s a better option for everybody, kids included, if they split up.

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Dole bludgers. Welfare recipients. No work ethic. “Single mothers!”

All these terms – and the attitude that goes with them – appear to be making a comeback.

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Women have long grappled with the question “is biology destiny”, and now it seems it’s men’s turn.

Can you be a father if you don’t have a biological connection to a child?

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